why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
