the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
