You smell like a Billy Joel song
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
