Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo

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(303): View more from Colorado

do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???

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(917): View more from New York City

She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic

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(707): View more from California

You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.

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(727): View more from Florida

Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?

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(914): View more from New York

So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED

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(907): View more from Alaska

I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.

(907): View more from Alaska

Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.

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