dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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