once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
