I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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