Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
