i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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