If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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