So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
