Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
