Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
