tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
