tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
