Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
