come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
