I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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