Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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