I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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