I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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