Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
