I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
