I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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