No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
