Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
