you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
