I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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