it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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