girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
