please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
