I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
