We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
