you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
