So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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