why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
