Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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