The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
