I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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