Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
