If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i will never coherently bang her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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