They should really pass out barf bags in church
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
