....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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