I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
