i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
