Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
