Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
