dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
