My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
