it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
