spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
